Tag Archives: sleep

Lazy Bones

I’m really kinda enjoying being fat with my bastard child now. All the things that are suppose to be causing me extreme discomfort are really not at all. When I wake up, sure my hands and feet are a little bit swollen, but I move around and that goes away. I’ve had that, literally, all my life. I remember being four and having the same problem so I’ve dealt with it before. It’s just a part of being me and shit.

Speaking of shit, I’ve totally gotten used to be super gassy too. It took a while for that. Not for it to happen, because it happened fast, but for me to become okay with it. I’ve mentioned this before, but I feel it bears repeating, I pay an inordinate amount of attention to my bowels and the health of my gut. I haven’t had stinky poop or gas, but rarely, in at least six years. Stinky poop is caused by food not being properly digested. Gas is caused by food not being properly digested. I made sure my food was properly digested, so I didn’t really have problems with that. Apparently, food does not properly digest when the old baby maker is on the on position.  I’ve tried upping my digestive enzymes and probiotics to no avail. I know this sounds strange, but I think it may have something to do with all the extra water I’m drinking. Even when not making human life, I drink around three liters of water a day and that has doubled since early in the first trimester. Easily doubled.

For me, pregnancy is pretty easy. I’ve had a bit of restless legs lately at night but once I do finally decide to sleep, I’m able to sleep well enough. The sleep of the dead. Not quite the coma-like sleep I was getting in the early part of the pregnancy, but restful and pleasant. The best part of pregnancy though is that through the ages, other women have had horrible pregnancies so I’m given the consideration that all my foremothers have earned. Other women have bitched and complained about it so much that it is part of human identity to know that pregnancy is hard and that women who are making babies should be treated nicely.

Pregnant women are allowed to laze about all day. They are expected to not walk much. They are expected to eat a lot and for those foods to be crazy. Yes, there are some days when I just can’t get out of bed. Some of that may be because I’m knocked up, but really, I’m pretty sedentary to begin with. Since I stopped working normal people jobs, two and a half years ago, I’ve been prone to sleep all the day on some days and have lived a pretty relaxing sort of life. I prefer a slower pace and because I’m now pregnant, I’m totally allowed that. The best part is, when I do get things done and move about, I’m treated like a precocious child. Not an annoying precocious  child (I was an annoying precocious child so I know a lot about this subject) but like a precocious child who is helpful and everyone adores. That I get up and take a shower and make food and clean and do a little light gardening is treated like I got up and ran ten miles before I went to work for 12 hours and then came home and made dinner. It’s kinda a win win. I only have to do what I enjoy doing and I get praised for it.

I know other pregnant women are not making it up that they feel like shit and that they want their pregnancies to just be over with when they get to the end, but I’m not one of them. I do feel for them though and I use the goodwill given to them to my advantage. I only hope the next part of this whole making life thing is just as easy for me and I will be able to soak it up when I have a kid with me not just inside me. Here’s hoping for an easy infant and for the return of normal poop.

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Holy Hair!- Day 9

I rolled out of bed late this morning.  I had been waking sometime around 5 am, but for a couple of weeks now, my wake-ups have been later.  It may have something to do with me discovering the pleasures of a long cancelled show, “Dead Like Me,” poor Bryan Fuller can’t get any show to stick. It’s too bad, really because all of his shows are great. I understand some people don’t like the level of whimsey in his creations and I think those people stink. I’ve been watching the show late into the night and just because I have a new nighttime obsession doesn’t mean I need less sleep, so I sleep in later.  Considering that what you are reading right now is my “job” it doesn’t really seem to matter.  By the time I got up today, the sun was up and had warmed all of the warehouse district.  The sun felt fantastic outside and while I waited for my little, tiny dog to pee I raised my arms into the sky to meet the sun.  Deep breath in.  And out. Open eyes and look to the right.  Feel the stretch in the neck. See the blond hairs glistening in my armpit. Ah, time for a photo.  I missed yesterday, Day 8 because I was busy and tired. So, special treat we have another substantial day of growth.

Here we go! Behold! Nine days!


Holy Hair! Day 6

Finally it’s possible to see the length a little bit in this photo.  I really wish my hair were darker though.  It would be so much easier to see how long it is. A 1/4 inch by the way.

I’ve pretty much decided that my hair doesn’t actually grow any faster, I just have been letting the days turn to weeks to months so much recently.  The days just fly by.  That is to be expected when you are sleeping at least 12 hours a day and sometimes 16 hours. However, that doesn’t mean we are going to stop this gross little project.  I have a loyal legion of perverts that visit this site daily to see my armpit and jack off or whatever they do.  It’s cool. I don’t judge.


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