The amazing thing about pregnancy is that it doesn’t just affect the belly and general belly area. Oh, no. The whole body is affected. The skin thins. All over the body the skin gets thinner. More blood also rushes through veins and capillaries and that is what causes the “glow” you’ll read all about with just a simple google search or two. This can also cause a little skin dryness. I got it around my nose. Crusty, ouchy skin around the folds of my nose and I’m not like a Shar-Pei or anything, but let me tell you, it’s doesn’t matter the smallest little crease was painy. And red. Did I mention also a bit crusty? I’ve finally gotten that under control. I use the hippie oil that I bought for my stretching stomach skin on my face too. Problem solved. You never read about that though. You never hear anyone say they needed to use their hippie oil all over their body, but there you have it. I use it all over my body, even on my face. Amazingly, my skin has cleared. Totally cleared. I’ve had problems with mild, hormonal acne since I was around 27 and had to use Retin A to get it to clear. Retin A also causes red, flaky, ouchy skin near my Shar-Pei folds, by the way.
Now, Retin A, my little life saver, cannot be used during pregnancy unless you want a retard kid. Luckily, as soon as I got preggers, and I mean from the day the little monster became a splitting ball of cells, my skin started to clear on it’s own. I can be a little bad about using my face cream. Usually, when I forget to use it (Okay, I’m not going to lie. I don’t forget. I just don’t feel like using it because it makes my lips dry right after I apply it even though it doesn’t touch my lips and I have to wash my hands after I put it on and there’s the whole ouchy skin thing) I get about five days of clear skin and then a deep, horrible zit will start to form in some prominent place on my face and then I’ll start it back up again. This time though, I noticed nothing. Not a single little zit. Not one raised spot. Not one extra black head. Super sweet. I was wondering if I had finally fixed whatever hormonal problem I had been having. Yeah, no. Well, I did, sort of. I’ve heard that the skin clearing can last after pregnancy and that would be super sweet. I know it will stick around while I’m breast feeding so I may just breast feed forever. I’m a little freaked out by kiddos who can talk and walk up to the dairy bar and unleash a tit for lunch, but who knows. If it keeps my skin clear, it might just be worth it.
I’ve been lucky so far not to have any problems with hemorrhoids. Thank god! I’m thinking I probably won’t have the pleasure of ouchy little grapes around my ass because I eat a whole lot of fiber. Like, a whole lot. Also, I drink tons of water and that helps. Oh, and I take Cod Liver Oil capsules. A little unrefined oil does wonders for the GI tract. In fact, a few years ago, long before I was knocked up, I was on a health bender and was taking Cod Liver Oil capsules. The bottle said to take one or two with a meal. It was a Friday night and I was eating alone because I was dating a Super Jew (should that be hyphenated?) who ate dinner with his parents every Friday and then went out drinking at the bar. That is the way young, hip Super Jews do it in LA. So, I ate my dinner, popped two capsules and washed them down with a glass or two of box wine and got dressed to go out. By the time he showed up to get me, I was starting to have little fish burps, but no matter! It was for my health. I was sure I could wash that down with plenty of bourbon and it would pass. It did. Soon, I didn’t have the fishy burps anymore and all was fine. The night was almost over and the bar had closed. There were a few of us in the bar while the bartenders closed. Just as my date and I were about to leave, I felt a small rumble in my tummy. A little gas slipped out. Normally, this isn’t a problem because I take a lot of probiotics and eat a really nice diet, so literally, my shit doesn’t stink. Good thing too, but that was exactly what I had let out and it was dripping down my leg. Super! I ran to the bathroom and took care of that, I think without anyone noticing. Hopefully without anyone noticing. But, as I pushed the bathroom door open I noticed that the bar was completely dark! I had been locked in the bar! Shit!! I heard the gate screeching back open just as I hollered “Hey!! I’m locked in the bar!” I wasn’t allowed to stay in the bar after close anymore after that. I haven’t tried in ages so I don’t know if that rule is still in effect, but I’m afraid the bartenders there have a pretty long memory. It’s just as well, I don’t drink that late in the night anyways, except water. So, moral of the story? Work up to two capsules. Take your time with it.
There are a whole lot of things you don’t hear much about though. I was in the shower the other day and roughing up my nipples as my mother suggested. It’s not as much fun as it sounds like. Basically, when you start breastfeeding, your nipples can become like very chapped lips and start to crack and bleed and that is painful, obviously, so before you have a little monster latching on and ruining your nipple, you have to spend a few months roughing them up with washcloths or what have you. I think that may be the biological reason behind the constantly hard nipples. It makes sense to me. When they are hard all the time, they rub up against clothes all the time and that helps to toughen them up. Sigh, my nipples will never be the same again. They will now, forever, be tough. Well, at least I got years of enjoyment out of them first. There is something to be said for waiting till you’re in your 30s to spawn. The nipple roughing was going as expected but then I noticed this little white dots on my nipples. It wasn’t like lint or anything like that. It was more like black heads. I used my fingernail to scrape it off and it would lift up like a little waxy covering and then I could pull of the rest. Yes, it was exactly like a shallow blackhead, except it wasn’t because it was on my nipple. Not my areola but on my nipple. My newly toughened nipples. Ewww. I did a little googling about this and found that the little blackhead like things were exactly that, like little blackheads. I found one site that called them little corks on the top of my milk ducts. I kinda like that. So, now I have little corks coming out. That means the next thing is leaking nipples. Yay!